15 Ways You Know You’re an Introvert

Super Bowl Parade in Seattle1) A colleague from Seattle sends you a photo of the Super Bowl celebration—hundreds of thousands of people fill the streets. Just looking at this photo gives you heart palpitations.

2) You get a chain email asking you to forward it to 20 of your closest friends and associates. You don’t even know 20 people, let alone have 20 friends who would forgive you for sending them a chain email. You forward the email to the 10 people you do know (including your entire immediate family) and hope that no one ever finds out.

3) Your hair stylist tells you she’s getting married in a few months. You’re making conversation, so you ask about the guest count. She’s going to have 250 people there, she says nonchalantly. You couldn’t hire that many people to show up at your wedding. 

4) Your boyfriend, who you’ve lived with for nearly six years, sits you down one night and tells you that’s it’s time to have the talk. The talk isn’t about getting married or having kids or moving to the Westside. It’s about the fact that you are a hermit: you never go out with him and his friends. “That’s because you go on school nights,” you say.

5) The moment you get home from work, you put on your pajamas.

6) “Are you going to get dressed today?” is a frequent question in your household.

7) You never see the point in going to bars or drinking. It’s like a completely foreign land to you. Only the promise of good food ever lures you to a bar.

8) In college, friends who were not really friends called you selfish and self-centered because you preferred to study rather than hang out with them.

9) You fear novelty. This manifests itself in myriad ways. For one thing, even though there’s an entire, multi-level parking garage at the Del Mar train station, you always park in the exact same spot. If that spot is taken, you park to the very right of it. When you go to the bathroom at work, you always go in the third stall. The thought of spending the day in Santa Monica sounds fun, until you realize that you’d have to drive all the way there, find parking somewhere, and figure out where to eat and what to do. You decide to just stay here in Pasadena and walk a block to the same sushi place you always go to.

10) Your phone calls with friends need to be scheduled. Otherwise you won’t pick up the phone.

11) At your company’s Christmas party, you spend the entire time talking to the IT guy.

12) When the kids on the playground made fun of you, your best comeback was “shut up.” You might think of something better, but it’ll be 12 years too late.

13) People often tell you to speak louder or to stop mumbling. You are, literally, soft-spoken.

14) Some people keep lotion or lipstick in their purses. You keep earplugs. You get really annoyed at low-level sounds, like the music coming out of your coworker’s headphones, or the way certain people always hum to themselves.

15) Every Monday morning, your accountant asks if you’ve left Pasadena yet.

Being an introvert is so awesome, you’ll want to read more about it. Check out my two favorite books on the subject: QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain and The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney.

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6 Responses to 15 Ways You Know You’re an Introvert

  1. Introverts, unite! (Though I admit, I love playing “pretend-extrovert,” as Susan Cain calls it.) So loved this post. Thanks for the affirmation of quieter ways of being in the world.

  2. splendidbauble says:

    This post is hilarious because it’s all true! Thanks for recommending Susan Cain’s book to me and for being my introvert role model. I still think one of her examples is so classic: You might be an introvert if you cross the street rather than small talk with someone. Ha! Your post also inspired me to add my own examples:
    (a) Even social media gives you anxiety.
    (b) You want to name your firstborn child “Google Maps” because now you don’t have to ask a stranger for directions when you get lost.
    (c) You want to name your second child “Amazon Prime” because now you know you can survive without ever having to leave the house.

    • Jenny Dolan says:

      LOL those are awesome! Another one I thought of: in the morning, when I get on the elevator, I’m always relieved if the door closes before other people can get on. Does that make me a bad person? Oh well. 😉

      • splendidbauble says:

        Hahaha I’m totally the same way about elevators! As long as you don’t push the “Door Close” button as other people are running for the elevator, you’re ok. 🙂

  3. Kristen says:

    16) You secretly feel so relieved when you can honestly tell people “I’m so sorry I can’t make it tonight, I’m sick.”

    17) Sometimes you may not leave your apartment for a full 24 hours on a weekend…

    18) You see an acquaintance walking towards you. You cross the street.

    19) You are notorious for bringing along leggings and slippers to your friends house in the hopes that you can forego the bar for an evening hanging out in her apartment.

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